stone cold

I lay here stone cold, numb.....  
on a makeshift sick bed,
in a straight jacket, 
my most suitable attire,      
you straddling my chest,
questioning my wasted years without you,  
 =
mirror stuck on the ceiling,  
counting my eyelids shutter, 
for every day missed, 
from the tightening grip  
of your mouth having on my lips,  
never to entirely kill me 
or to let me live in peace.  
=
it's not dying that I fear,  
it's seeing the expression on your face 
when I take my last breath  
as I lay there stone cold,  
waiting for you, my love to know that  
to be assertive is to be merciful,  
like the day you drove your beautiful self to me  
testing my fortitude 
that's now succumbing at your hands.  
=
I had faith in you,
I let you in to build a podium for your ego 
so one could occupy its size,  
I've built castles for winter and 
tents on the summer coastlines 
while I was looking for shade by an empty lake  
I've carved a pool in my mind to accommodate  
dripping saliva from your mouth to top it off.....  
=
everything smiled the day your mercy touched  
every scar you burned me with,  
charred a delicately tattooed me, 
short of a cure,  
gazing at your neck & backside
from the mirror's reflection,
wondering how crazy & warm a healing 
it would be from the inside.
= 
you're still straddling my chest  
cautious about delivering a final blow  
even though you know that,  
I'm laying here harmless,  
paralyzed & stone cold... 
======
for maria
April 14 2003
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