The Time After

My mind and heart racing - In competition.
Persistent. Exhausted.
Thoughts are mixed; tangled.
Hard to unravel.
Words come to a halt. Can't speak.
Stuttering from my lips.
Thoughts hasten. Frustration wins! My heart loses. Emptiness.
Viewed as inefficient, helpless, incapable.
Am I strong still?
Please give me patience...
Screaming on the inside. Hold my composure!
Tears of self-doubt.
Never alone, but lonely as ever.
Anxiety creeps into my soul. I'm not good enough. Guilt. Guilt. GUILT.
Contradicting voices. I can't win.
You chose this! Please no judgement.
Just a few more months and I'll be me.
Wait, who am I?
My mind has been clouded, brain full of fog.
My emotions have taken a toll and my body ravaged.
But, just a few months more…
I can do it, then I'll be me.
Wait, who am I?
Stop.
This is normal. I am not alone. No, not alone.
This is just, the time after.
Don't rush to bounce back. I don't need to make up for what I think that I lack. I take a deep breath, dry the tears from my cheek. I am a woman - beautiful and unique. Flowers will grow from these tears. My soil is strong - conquering fears. I have changed and that's just fine. Invent, reminisce, cherish, and shine. I can be vulnerable and I can be tough.
Day by day, I am doing my best and that is enough.