driven beyond

I’m trying to be, so let me see... 
I’ve found out what I came for...
unwanted ...
let me dig .. let me plow..
in a bottom-free land.. 
in your dreams, I swam to explore you ..
in a deep ocean of green..
the grassy green you slept on
but the dream was anything
but safe to venture into  ...

Excluded from your circle of friends..
in my initiation,
I remember the day I let you play with everything 
and it wasn’t what you wanted, 
you controlled yourself as you say...
but I could read the fear in your eyes
of losing your will to the cause of your deception

but sometimes looks have two meanings
it’s nothing more than changing dials
from color to black and white 
setting my days into cold, cold chapters
and a heart that ponders beneath my skin 
into a senseless machine....
----------------

Everything feels the same as you left it, motionless..
it’s soothing to feel numb, complex-ed.. unclear..
somewhat happy that you’ve touched me.. 
when I’m envied about my state..  
I wish my friends knew my shock ...
I wish I could tell them how deranged it is
to dream about you,
we live with what we know 
and dreams are sometimes misleading....