The Bipolarity Monster

My bipolarity is a hidden monster,
I know it is there, silent,
Lurking, scheming, observing,
Waiting for the time where it’ll cause disaster.

You see,
Some days are fine, I am fine,
My emotions are peaceful,
Everything,
Happiness, sadness, anger, depression,worry,
Come at their time, and never cross the agreed upon line.

Other days,
When it’s slumbering eyes awaken,
When it stands on all its feet,
It leaves me no choice but to admit defeat.

It starts when I wake up,
It wakes up with me,
And lays a giant paw on my chest,
Depriving me of any nightly rest.

Look at yourself,
It snarls at me,
As I stand in front of the mirror,
Darkened rivers rushing cross my face,
Laces of lined maroon on my wrist,
It growls in exhilarating horror.

Your time is near,
It confides,
It’s time for you to say goodbye,
It’s time for you to disappear.

Why? I ask it. Why?
What do you mean why? It replies.
Why? Why are you making me feel this way?
I soundlessly whimper, and cry,
All I get is an arrogant smile.

It paralyzes me in my bed for weeks,
Shoving down on my chest,
Sleeping with its arms around me,
Choking me with its hands,
Draining life,
It has made a nest,
Out of my strife.

I’ll give you a gift, not death,
It purrs one day,
As it unshackles the wires around my breadth,
My eyes awaken, and I am anew,
The clouds bombarded with shades of grey, drift,
And suddenly turn a lighter hue.

I am me again, thinking clearer, lightness in my heart,
I rejoice, buzzing like a bee,
Working, studying, joking, creating art,
The monster has retreated,
I smile in the mirror, absolved in glee.

Only, I am mistaken,
As I wake up from an afternoon nap,
And see it’s face hovering over mine,
It’s eyes gleaming, scheming,
Mummifying me, piercing, leaving me shaken,
A sight I know all too well.

You thought you were free? It laughed.
You’re not free.
And never will be.
The barbs remain shackled,
They were merely loosened, it cackled.

I let you be brilliant for a day,
And will continue to do so, but I have to say,
My being loves yours far too much,
For as long as you’re mine,
I’ll make you feel how I want.

My bipolarity is a monster that lives with me,
It is a creature that slumbers near me,
Cradles me,
Elevates me,
Destroys me.
I can not escape,
I must turn around,
And embrace it too.

Maybe,
Just maybe,
If I embrace it,
It won’t insist on dragging me,
Into the fiery pits of hell,
And, I’ll finally feel well.