Destined to be

For as long as I could remember I just wanted some one to l love me. But my life has forced me to come to terms with the fact that will never be. Deep down praying that this is not how my life is destined to be, just desperate for someone to see that even me could be special maybe….
That’s all just wishful thinking. That’s my disappointments in the making. Put a big smile on my face. No one can tell that’s not the case. I’m faking happy.
I wish I could just be erased. To never be loved is a fate I have faced. A long lonely road with no hand to hold. Wondering how no one will love my heart of gold. The thought of me alone and old makes me feel like it’s time to fold.
Falling into the sadness that is my life, knowing I’ll never be a wife. Lived through a life of abuse. No one to love me what’s the use. Feel like I’m hanging from a noose the feeling that nothing will ever make it loose.
Fighting my tears, my broken heart that no one hears. Living in lonelyness is living though my biggest fears. No one to wipe my tears, all the sadness that no one hears.
the one who’s meant to be looked at not loved. A heart like mine just gets push and shoved. caring too much yet destined to never be enough. Both cruel and unusual but still my usual. It’s hard  Living with no hope. I have spent my life just trying to cope. Trying to not to give up not yet nope. Most people reading this will laugh and joke while my sadness causes me to choke asking God why he made me so broke so pathetic a joke. Lost and alone a queen on her thrown alone no hope in sight quicky loosing the last bit of light.