My Fear

I feel like my heart is breaking. I'm so tired of faking. I know God is the only reason I'm still breathing.... My faith is weary and the fog isn't clearing. One day I feel strong and the next I'm struggling with trying to belong. The devil gets in my head and makes his bed. Takes my dreams and floods my eyes. Makes me taste the one thing that always made me feel fine. At least until it made me want to die. I know God hears my cries and dries my eyes, but why can't I get past the anxiety of not wanting to be me? I plea to just be free and to not keep living in misery. The Big Book, it's been proven for centuries, that doesn't stop my overthinking. The promises that I'll one day be fine doesn't keep me from losing my mind. Why can't I focus and try my best to devoted. I'm hopeless, floating in this ocean made of sin. God please part the water's and let me win. Please take me somewhere I've never been, a place without fear at least until the fog is clear.