Black Veins

You're like a Victorian ghost,
And, I, the new host.
The rustic door creaks,
Heaving like a body gone antique.
My vision takes in the gore,
I hoped this became a place I adored.  

What was this feeling?
My deepest, darkest sins come revealing.
Quaintly, somehow, a soft whisper, "mi amor."
Did my heart want more?
Specks of dust filtered through everything that ever lived,
Mirroring and shadowing as I did.

"I just don't know," I stubbed out my cigarette,
But your bones felt like we had met.
Foolishly given but never smitten,
Your tragedy only ever to be written.
You always felt like a dusty brothel,
Crowded spaces, random faces, never your betrothal.

Faint sunlight settling on the places you walked,
My footprints over yours now mocked.
You wreak havoc to show you're still here,
Slash me with the knife you hold on to so dear.
Was it you I smelled through the asbestos?
Dear Lord, you can't let it molest us.

Oh, my mind is in a state of hysteria,
Grey, critical, slowing spreading like diphtheria.
One heart that doesn't pump blood,
And another body that refused to feel loved.
Closed my eyes and trusted you,
Let you take me in, but an apparition shone through.

Be careful what you wished for,
Once, twice, you're forever a memorable whore.
Fucking was just another rep,
Through the eyes of someone else, you watched every step.
"I have to push you away",
You seemed too sincere, "please stay."

Could I now call you mine?
Your worth is just another dime.
But I will let go,
In this place, you will never grow.
Forever is not the present,
Raped, you learnt as an adolescent.

You couldn't mask how I bruised you,
Like a caged Bird; bleeding, dying, you never flew.
The ghost in my room was brave,
And I, her new slave.
Walls so quaintly tainted,
Musk scented stench on your body always painted.

Taught me that I was more than enough,
But you knew nothing of lust.
Heart on my sleeve,
You sought asylum here but I refused to believe.
You see, my mind had played tricks before,
But I always craved more.

Did you learn that hope is just a word,
But with you, my heart was constantly stirred.
My dear melancholia, I took your notes,
But I, a man, no matter what I diagnose,
Will never know how your skin felt up close.
I kiss your silhouette goodnight, Mi último adiós.