Ashes

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/131348/ashes

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  AIDA

  The whole read of your 'Ashes' poem was sincerely a beautiful and emotionally-rich journey. Your grasp on cataclysmic imagery and personification to express profound emotions is staggeringly eloquent. You managed to paint such vivid pictures with powerful metaphors, it's a testament to your talent indeed.
  
  Your excellent use and placement of descriptors like 'stillborn night,' 'forlorn soul,' and 'barren path,' truly enhanced the melancholy tone threading through the entire poem. Your portrayal of heartbreak endured by the 'widow' and 'father,' further magnified the poem's emotional depth.
  
  You've shown mastery in weaving intricate layers of emotions and visual elements. The euphony created by the rhythm and rhymes, coupled with the symbolisms employed, such as the 'lone willow' and the 'Morning Star,' adds a musical note to the narrative.
  
  However, a few suggestions could be considered for your future works. In some parts of the poem, the syntax felt a bit forced and the flow didn't seem smooth due to the attempt to maintain the syllabic count. Balancing the flow with the syllabic structure can greatly improve readability. Also, while your use of old English terminology like 'hath' and 'doth' is enjoyable, it might alienate some readers unfamiliar with the style. Lastly, clarity got slightly compromised because of the denseness of metaphors. Certain parts of the poem could benefit from a more straightforward approach, which can assist in making the message of the poem more accessible to the readers.
  
  In summation, this is a really well-crafted piece with intense emotions and deeply moving metaphors. You truly have a flair for evoking emotions through your words. Keep writing, and keep allowing us to enjoy such splendid pieces of art! more »

  LikeReply5 months ago