BLINDLY SEE

To what I am about to say I have no rhyme only reason
Hence I begin with this disclaimer:
I have absolutely no intention to direct any person
Nor dictate what is right or wrong
I promise
Under no circumstance whatsoever will I make the assertion to right wrongs
However… to the following I make this claim…
That with full intention and wholeheartedness I will directly in this dictation write wrongs
I promise…
I am not blind, but once I did blindly see
Became oblivious to the obvious?
To opt be living oblivion
I knew how this story went line by line
I drew the lines yet they drew me
I knowingly lived out this lie
I knowingly left out this truth
When I told myself, "I am killing myself"
I did not receive this deaf sentence
All I heard were distant trailing echoes from another's world
So vast… so deep
Such faint sounds I wish had reach
Unfortunately emptied words lost on the way
See immersed in the mere drool of denial
I did not address my problem
I staged an act to put on, as though it were a cloak
Without my lines I under-performed… excusing it as just playing a minor role
The truth was so hard to accept
I was the lead performing terribly throughout this 'consume drama'
With no apology I defended my actions
I truly hoped that no one saw beyond the veil of transparency…
That I did attire
As I did fear, my absence of will exposed my frailty of mind
In all honesty it was the lack of effort and cerebral dissonance that wore me
I adhered to the pretence of enjoying what was tearing me apart
Yet all those tears I had shed… not one came from a single moment of rejoice
Not one
I was still… breathing within the suffocating breadth of my anguish
I was still bereaving a soul of its last breath… he who was of my past
I was, was I?
If his veneration I stole?
'I'… be reaping all accolades
I sincerely hoped none look in depth to parse
It was the sole reason I got a pass
Undeservedly?
Yeah!
Yet gladly received, though unappreciatively by… me
Respect earned and bestowed upon the host who previously accentuated this form
Had I been in an out off body… a mind less experience?
How can the 'cares less' again become mindful?
How could I have been less safe as 'I' had mind no more?
I have looked down from my lowest point
Will I still be low if I were to look up?
Scene of the righteous path but took a muddied track
Seen off the right just to turn off course
Since I had now seen off both rights
I felt as though I only had wrong left
Devoid of cause I took a journey into make believe
At first it felt like an approach to the heavens
The truth though… lies beneath
My passage chose to steer ways from heaven sent
To become a roamer following a devilish scent
The lost course
I should have turned around
Instead… I made the choice of turning to a Devil I recognised
I believe the reason for this being… when I faced my demons…
It was my many faces staring back
The results that followed should have been clear from the outset
Knowing to score in abundance... was the only way to lose
What I really needed to win were my own goals
It is so hard attempting to iron out the rough without the soothe
Pressures only seemed to increase
I was left with little will, it depleted as my life began to unfold
There appeared to be no 'will I?' only 'won't I?'
Without 'friends' I needed to embark on my recovery
After all every dog has its day… it is said to be
'Supposedly' mans best friend
Forgetting to mention that 'man'… that 'friend'… is always its master
I am yet to meet that 'man'… that 'friend'… wanting to be treated like a dog
Was I a jackal hiding amongst wolves or jesting sheep cloven?
I knew not if I were predator or lamb that led himself to slaughter
Maybe after all I did not know where the lines in this story would actually lead
Maybe if I had not pursued it for being novel but perused the pre-fix
Maybe more attention on introduction I might have read dramas coming?
Maybe then the story would not have been 'me', but of another to retell consumer…
Maybe?
Just maybe?

I know sooner I see through the haze creating this mirage
I no longer reflect the man in the mirror from before
I now adopt not an image from the shards
I dropped the broken mirror on the floor