To Stare at the Wall

(This piece contains material that maybe triggering to some readers. If you are triggered by suicidal thoughts and or severe mental illness, please click away.)
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          Have you ever really stared at the wall
            I mean, like REALLY stare at the wall
          To the point that the world goes blurry
           Siting still but my thoughts still run
    The world I’ve come up with in my head isn’t blurry but the thoughts are running fast

      When I catch myself really staring at the wall
      I realize just how pointless my existence has  become

                   Let’s look at it for what it is
                  My lungs expand and retract
     My heart beats. My brain is firing off neurons…
                     But I’m still not living

      In my eyes… that looks like wasted energy
   There is something. Or someone out there that        could really use this wasted energy

             Something. Someone, with purpose
    That’s not just breathing but, is actually living.