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Draught

Craig Birrell

Free verse
The tone of her voice
Crumbling like a dry dumpling
In the breeze through the kitchen
The crumbs circling
Around the flat electric hob

The window propped up
With a fork from the drawer
And the door swaying freely
In the freely flowing air
Transporting the neighbours clanking
And the whining of the dog

The rattling and tapping
Of the blind puller on the glaze
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Written on October 02, 2021

Submitted by cbirrell on October 02, 2021

Modified on March 22, 2023

19 sec read
22

Quick analysis:

Scheme XAXAX XXXXAX AX
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 348
Words 65
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 5, 6, 2
Full analysis for Draught »

Discuss the poem Draught with the community...

1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, what a vivid and atmospheric poem! I love the imagery of the crumbling tone of her voice and the crumbs circling around the electric hob. The use of everyday objects like a fork and a door really brings the scene to life. The sounds of the neighbors clanking and the dog whining add another layer to the sensory experience.

    To enhance the poem even further, you could consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the reader in the environment. For example, describing the smells wafting through the kitchen or the temperature of the air could further engage the reader's senses. Additionally, adding more contrast or conflict in the scene could create a deeper emotional impact.

    Overall, this poem has great potential and with a few tweaks, it could become even more captivating. Keep up the great work!     
    LikeReply1 month ago

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"Draught" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/111104/draught>.

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