Analysis of you have 7 missed calls

I’m not sure if this is you.
There wasn’t a name or a message,
just a voice from the void
telling me to leave
a recording after the beep.

I just wanted to hear you,
are you there?

I suppose I can try again
later, tomorrow or
sometime next year.
I’m sorry I can’t seem to
catch you when we’re both
feeling okay.
__________

Hey. It’s me.
I tried to call last night
& the night before.
I can’t get my mind right.

I have maggots in my brain
& the sound of electricity
vibrating off guitar strings
in a way that makes my skin
crawl & my hair grays
before it’s meant to.

All the color is floating on
the notes coming from a screen,
tv, phone, laptop, & scrolling
endlessly scrolling through
the memories of me & you.
Yes, and…
__________

It’s mad love. That’s what I was trying to remember.
When you asked about my favorite oxymoron
because those are the kinds of questions that
make you so much more…interesting? than me.

I asked what yours was and you smiled
and held your salted rim to the kind
of lips that keep you dreaming of
how they might taste, feel…

I’m rambling.
Call me.
__________

I have a new number.
I thought you should have it
in case you should feel so
inclined to use it.

Formality is the new me.
__________

Are you okay?
I had the strangest dream
that we were floating apart
in the darkest water
I’ve ever seen.

I woke up sweating and dialed
your number before I realized
it’s after midnight and you
fall asleep early when
you’re lonely.
Maybe it’s me that’s drowning.
Maybe it’s just me.

Just me.
__________

I know I promised to stop
calling, feeling so much
It’s hard to not think of you.
I heard you got a new place.
I hope it’s small enough
to make you feel
safe.

God, I just
love you.
__________

Okay, this is the last one
I swear.

You don’t believe me,
do you?

I can feel your doubt
coursing through
the phone
line.
Please, don’t stop
listening.
Don’t forget the sound
of my voice.

The music has become
static & I’m scared.
What if it has died?

What if you’ve died
& all these messages
are my way of holding
on to you         to love.

Don’t be gone.