Analysis of "Doubts"

I'm taking this dream with a grain of salt,so many doubts and so i shout.
What am i doing wrong?
 Questions in my mind is running intense who can i vent that can guide me?

oh ya  god...

Father please hope my dreams come find me.

A conversation to my self...

No Lenamarie,keep pushing and pushing,piller right through and through, hold true to you and stop feeling blue.

I'm struggling to make it,god help me to shake these fears,i self doubt and pout im trying to come out of my comfort zone.

I guess alone i must be in these thoughts im losing hope day to day oh god keep these thoughts at bay.

My life seems invisible
shit this feels pretty miserable,how can i fit in?
No one wants to know the unique me they scram like im spam.

Please don't think this poem is mushy, it's real and touches my feels.

Try to have  a dream that you feel is not going to come true, god i wonder why  you keep bringing me back to writing these poems and so.

God i keep feeling so low, where can i go?
 You foresee my future...
Tell me that i failed after trying, is this why im already sighing and feel like dying in side.

So much fails that i too know this is a spell,all alone i must be i miss mama listening to me read.
 She didn't want me to stop,she said many lovely words oh how i miss my only audience  she felt me with much confidence.

Feeling alone in this supposed to be great moment,what happened to support well now i too will abort,down on my dreams that i just want to scream.

God replace my dreams for reality my doubts got me feeling so cowardly...