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Humorous lament for the groom.

Humorous lament for the groom.

You’ve dug a deep hole in your `garden of life`,
got yourself hooked with a `trouble and strife`,
you were warned by your chums not to `set the date`,
but there’s no turning back now, no..........it’s far too late!
That ring through your nose, constant irritation will be,
and, on the `short leash` issued, the horizons you’ll see
will be seriously curtailed-it’s from here, woe and doom`,
yesterday’s carefree bachelor is today a sad groom!
Though all is not lost, it is looking pretty grim,
(you’ll have to keep and pander to her ev`ry whim?)
The nagging, the whinging, the cajoling, the `black moods`,
(the `new` hygiene habits)..the more healthy `veggie` foods,
the enforced teetotalism-with `the lads`, no more nights,
the joint bank account, now that will give you the `frights!?`
Just what is there to look forward to-quick, get it over,
throw yourself off a bridge or the White cliffs of Dover!
Things won’t improve, it’s not vintage wine you’re drinking,
and, as time goes by, it gets worse, despite what you’re thinking!
Take a look at her mum, that’s your beloved `mate` in 30 years,
and if that doesn’t concentrate your mind and stir up some fears,
then it really is all over, better `bung in the towel now,
and to the inevitable life onwards, of purgatory bow,
"Ah, so sad, so young and with so much yet to give,
`chopped off in his prime, with little done, no life left to live."
I cannot go on with this tale, it’s almost too much,
I suppose some suitable solution will be found and, as such
a `dog’s life` will be endured, and a kennel will be found,
you’ll convince yourself you’re `in clover`, and the position is `sound.`
So, get on with it-wear that collar-you’ve `made your own bed`,
you were forewarned repeatedly, so just never let it be said,
that you’ve entered this `blindly`-`experts of many years,
expressed their doubts-told you often of their fears,
`shackled and bound`, the end must surely be nigh,
we wish you `good luck`(you’ll need it!)and `goodbye!!?`

Jennifer Kersey 28/5/1997.
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Submitted by paintedlady on April 30, 2021

Modified by paintedlady on January 10, 2022

1:57 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic heptameter
Characters 2,087
Words 391
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 1, 34, 1

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