7 harmfu days.

1,2,3,4,
1. the first day I went without eating
Started worrying, “is this really worth it?”

2- the 2nd day I went without eating
The 2nd day I didn't sleep

3- the 3rd day, I felt empty,Ii ate some crackers hoping it'd last me
The 3rd day I spent helping people and not worrying about me
The amount of times I rewrote this poem

4; The 4th day i was hungry but didn't care, i felt..pretty
4; the amount of bad things i see about my self the first 2 seconds looking in a full body mirror
4; the amount of times i've cried today
The amount of times i've rewatched banana fish because it makes me smile

5; the 5th day, i finally drank some water, feeling proud of myself
5;the amount of times i rewatched the same youtube videos i tend to zone out
5; the same about of hours it takes for her to open my message but i dismiss it as she was busy
5; the times i spend telling someone i did something just looking for an “im proud of you mad”
5; the about the fingernail prints i have in my hand because when i get upset i hold back tears and dig my fingernails into my palm

6 the times i kept my feelings to myself
6, i ate today, only a little but it's some
6, the amount of times i've tried to eat this week
6, the amount of times i catch my hands shaking
6, the times i redid my makeup just to look pretty to her because i care to much
6, the amount of times i've randomly disappeared off social media this year

7, i ate a little, but not really
7, the amount of months i haven't cried in front of someone
7, it's hard to count when i get emotional
7,
7,
7,
7, but i'm fine
7, the amount of times i tried to get over her
7,  her
7,her
7, the amount of times i have been misgendered today

1, 1 week
That's all it takes for me to, stop eating, stop sleeping, 1 week is all it takes for my palms to bleed because i get to worried
1 week for me to rewatch the same stream
1, week i start missing her again

Silly me for thinking i'd be okay in only a week
Quick question if i fall to the ground and no ones around to hear it
Do I even make a sound, but does it matter?  

The one time i tried to tell her
I sounded like a scratchy cd
Or like a really bad song, probably by justin bieber or some ex disney star whose career went totally downhill.

On a real note
I know that i wont get better over one week
I know in one week my self harms won't disappear
I know in one week i'll start actually eating

But one week is progress
One week of eating just crackers is better than one week of nothing
One week of trying to be okay is better than sulking in my sadness
One week, that's all it takes to make progress
Progress, more than one week
Thats all i really need