~Inside me~ 10/21/10

its not just the girls and its not just the boys, its not the noise, its inside of me. pretending to be normal playing that im fine. but different answers are stirring in my mind. i think of death not just yours but mine, i think it all the time. when i sleep i dream of a world better off with me somewhere 6ft below and this goes to show. i dont care for life so take it from me now. i dont have dreams for the future only of the past. inside my mind its all a blood bath. im glad that im not crazy just misunderstood. if i take my life i'll never have forgiveness, do you really think i should? i could take your life as easy as my own, my heart is truly made of stone. i dont want to remember but forgetting is the worst. you'd be better off if you'd never met me, but you sit there watching me slowly destroy myself, you didnt care, you couldn't handle it if it happened in your hands. i'll end my life by sleeping and never wake up again. i'll go from one hell to the next. will i find grace? maybe not. do i want grace from someone who has never truly been there? pobably not, but who would in deciding how to end their life? not me, im sure no one [prays before hand and repents. so, as i burn in hell for eternity i'll meet the others like me; no life, no family, just ridiculed and taken for granted. well now we'll really show them how very real we were. they laughed and said that it was dumb, but afterwards who's there to poke fun? not you, youre consumed with guilt. when i tried to talk, you pushed away. when i cried, you turned your back. so i turned mine on life. never to return.