Thing

I am alone less and less,
because of the thing that moved in on me.
It is hate and darkness.
I welcomed it at first, only as a visitor
but now it's always here, it's here to stay, its here to kill me.

It pushes me toward dark corners
It makes me smile when people walk by
It has me on strings, to dance for it
I can feel it laughing

it covers my body with it's cloak
    digs its fingers into my insecurities
    forces its breath down my throat
    clenched its hands around my neck

I can gasp occasionally, when the puzzle pieces of life fall flat
and I see a flower that tells me I'm beautiful, me.
And I believe it, for the day.

But don't let the thing see you smile, liz.
it will snatch you underwater again,
the same way it puts you on the ground
clenching for support and sobbing silently.

With all it's rage and fury
It makes me close my jaw when I try to talk
when I scream for help, It makes me cover my mouth,
It makes me pull down my sleeves so others can't see it

I can see it staring at me when my eyes are open or closed,
Whether I'm asleep or awake, I can feel it's breath

I can't shake it out, I can't scream it out,
I can't cut it out, I can't starve it out

It has turned me against myself
It has incased me in a coffin shaped box
It has already convinced me to bolt it shut

Nobody can help me,
its smell, its taste, its hate, its black
it's a part of me now