there is a fear about living

I.
There is a fear about living
When haunting gray falls
Upon the thriving halls
Of a life full of grieving.

Like suicide bestows upon
The one for whom you care
For all seems to ensnare
Your very being before the dawn.

What once you thought
Might be forever
Sad sighs endeavor
And soul begins to rot.

Oh strike the heart
That ensnares my soul
For I want be whole
Again and restart.

Like vine-stems climb
The walls of my affection
Like an infection
You twist and bind
My soul's depiction.

II.
A cold darkness surrounds
And overtakes his soul
Shroud the toll
That makes hell rebound.

My heart in utter sadness
Causes cleansing waters
To leave the soaked corners
Of my orbs of redness.

Shatter and strangle
And tear with bayonets
That which has no regrets
Shouldn't be entangled.

Struggling to find
A last breadth
With no depth
That's soon to remind

Me of the truth
That makes me sad
Yet makes me glad
And lets me sooth
What I already have.

III.
Cold, like days of darkness
With no warmth abounds
Me as I look to see
My thought of sadness

Like a corpse I look away
With remorse
At the carriage and horse
That took his life astray.

What does the mind
Portray to the heart
That wants you to start
To begin and find

A place where the body
Can find peace
And rest
In Harmony.

In Him I swear
It to my grave
That moved me to say
That this burden I should not bare.
Why should I care?

IV.
Four months hence
I haven't looked back
But memories stack
And make my mind dense

With thoughts of old
And the wrongs that prevailed
In my mind we derailed
A life worth living.

But time will show
Us that the past
Is not to last
We move to know

How like winds
Our lives change
And waters strange
To Him my prayer sends.

So to my eyes
And soon my heart
I begin to restart
And repent the lies
That pierced their part
Never again to try.

-William Linthicum
11/15/2008