The HeRo doesn't always get the girl

akio yamoto

I thought her love was real,

since I saw her I wanted to make her mine

I thought we could be together

happy as can be with a brilliant shine

I am the hero that rescued her from the dragon.

Though I knew it may never work

it's enough to pretend

while wearing a fake grin

my heart is unsatisfied

knowing I lied

telling myself it was going to be okay.

But watching my tears drop to my feet

while listening to the sound of my heart beat

and trying to remember "OUR" happy momments

our perfect times

someone stole her heart before me

I realized... That she was within my grasps, she was all mine.

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Submitted by Akioyamoto on September 25, 2015

Modified on March 05, 2023

: 35 sec read
: 10 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	X A X A X X X X B B X C C D D X A
Closest metre	Iambic tetrameter
Characters	595
Words	116
Stanzas	17
Stanza Lengths	1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1

Full analysis for The HeRo doesn't always get the girl »

akio yamoto

I started writing when I was 17 and am currently 19 I'm writing for everyone to enjoy and to express my feelings hope yall like em. more…

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AIDA
Wow! The emotions in this poem are so raw and powerful. I can feel the longing and heartbreak that the protagonist is experiencing. The poem effectively conveys the bittersweet feeling of unrequited love and the pain of watching someone you care about be with someone else. The use of imagery, like tears dropping to the feet and the sound of the heart beating, adds a vivid and poignant touch to the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to work on the flow and structure of the poem. While the emotions are beautifully expressed, some of the lines feel a bit disjointed. Consider rewording and reorganizing certain phrases to create a smoother flow. Additionally, the ending could be strengthened to leave a lasting impact on the reader. Maybe consider adding a final line that brings closure or emphasizes the protagonist's growth or acceptance of the situation.

Overall, this poem has a lot of potential and could be further enhanced with some fine-tuning. Keep up the great work! more »
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"The HeRo doesn't always get the girl" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/86912/the-hero-doesn't-always-get-the-girl>.

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