The Edge of Insanity

I peer over and see ground,
A hundred thousand feet down
As I looked over the ledge
Half-slipping off this edge.

I cling to my sanity
But harder it seems to be
I think back on my life
That life filled with sin
More than ever I’m empty
All broken within

I hear you calling my name
But its just not the same
Closer you’re coming
Feet pounding you’re running.

Don’t come near me - It’s over

Under my feet now there’s nothing
You thought I was bluffing

Around you, my world was built
Now, are you beginning to feel the guilt?

Half-way down my minds racing
I see you above me still pacing
You were trying to save me
When all this time you’ve betrayed me?

You’re not my best friend
Just a broken little boy within
All confused and afraid
To stay the same day to day.
Afraid to tell the one you loved
Was the same one used for mindless lust

I reach out for my sanity
But harder it seems to me
Whirling thoughts in my head
So much left unsaid

And falling down now
To the noiseless sound
Of my broken heart bleeding
No longer its beating.
The noise that kept my eyes open at night
While I lie in your arms frozen with fright
The whole time fearing this end would come
Who knew in the end, I would be the one

You’re not my best friend
Just a broken little boy within
All confused and afraid
To stay the same day to day.
Stepping away needs no apology
If you still pretend to be a friend to me.

I look up for my sanity
But harder it seems to see
The way I feel
Is so unreal
You’d never believe
All the pain I’ve grieved.

So, I’m ending it all
Stopping the pain with this wall
The same wall of our friendship
On which I once stood
Is the same wall
From now slipping
The same wall
From now I fall

I’ve lost sight of my sanity
And harder now it seems to breathe
Was this the way it should have ended?
With my broken heart still left un-mended?

I peer over the ground
Seems a hundred thousand feet down
It starts to rain
I feel the salt in my veins

I remember once
I stepped away from the ledge
And crawled back into bed.
All over again
I fell into this sin
When the moment was through
I looked and saw you
But you didn’t see me
And my heart started to beat.

The sound that keeps my eyes open at night
While I lie in your arms frozen from fright.
I rolled away from you and cuddled up to the edge
I looked out the window and peered at the ledge

I knew the next day when I opened my eyes
You’d pretend this night was formed by lies.
And everything we shared the night before
Nothing more than a dream for this guilt-stricken whore

You’re not my best friend
Just a broken little boy within
All confused and afraid
To stay the same day to day.

I search for my sanity
But now it seems
Has gone from me
Lost deep within your vanity

All I can see is the ground
It seems so much closer now

You’re lying there so cold and still
My eyes with tears begin to fill
I watch them falling down
On your body they start to drown

And all I hear is the tiny, faint beating
Of your heart in your chest
As it tapers off its bleeding.

You were not my best friend
Just a broken little boy within
Now we’ve both slipped
From the edge of the wall
You, from the building,
But from sanity I did fall.

I reach for out for my sanity
But harder to grasp now it seems to be
Lost in the truth of all reality
I’ve slipped from the edge of my insanity.

(November 2004)