Lost in the black

I was lost from the ripple of disdain
gone to the ditch of black.
Did I look first or was I searching for my disbarment?
Should I kick the rock to drag my way?

I don't hate myself for fighting.
I huddle in my sorrow.
Whilst in my courage.
I meant to tell myself that I'm quiet in my attempt.

I lift my shield not to protect my fear but my weakness.
I didn't know confusion could hit so hard.

This system of life ruins my expression.
Sinister in my way from the roads of my borders.
Fooled with my running toes whistling through the mud.

I can hear the North but I search for the South.
That scared green light pressing from my shame.
Shhhhh!!!!!! can you hear it?