Longing for a life

The clock strikes 12:00 and everyone screams
She hears booms of fireworks and the yells of celebrating people
She hugs her mom and dad
She feels happy that 2020 is over, if only for a minute because she knows this changes nothing

The music rings in her ears “Were all just broken people”
She knows there is a whole world out there waiting for her, but she still sits
She feels the tear run down her face, her stomach clenches and she lets go

She knows who she is, what she wants and how she feels
Her parents know and the ignored
They think I am leading them on? She loves them and would never. Our love shouldn’t feel like a crime
I am gay, mom, wether you accept that or not

The emptiness claws at her like a hungry tiger and she longs for human interaction
Her family isn’t cutting it anymore
She should be discovering herself and what makes her tick, but still...she is at home, watching TV
She feels like a hostage in her own home

She feels like a shell of a person without her person
She misses them and the way they look at her and the laughs they had together and how when they smile, the room lights up and how happy they make her-
She feels like nothing without them because facetime is nothing

She looks her mother with longing and a touch of hatred
How could she take away her only outreach to the world?
How could she take away her freedom, her friends, her life…

The rain pounds on the roof, the trees, the ground
This is not how she wants to spend her New Years day
She tries to think of the positives but she can’t find any
Its like the world is mocking her

She said those words
“I love you too”
She should have said them after a walk in the park or a night of fireworks and celebrating the new year
Insted, she say them in a text
They still mean the same, but not really

She feels longing for her old life
She feels like she should be having her first kiss
Her first love next to her
Her life back-
She longs for her life and even though 2020 is over, she knows she won’t get it back for what feels like forever