Rate:5.0 / 2 votes

Looking past

William A Kofoed

Free verse
A ribbon of black
smooth and cold
the sheer rock walls
and a twisting path

dark lies the clouds
that be for me lie
and the golden warmth
left so far behind

I know not where
which way to go
and the memories fade
of what lays behind

here I cannot be
for it will not remain
I feel it slipping away
even as memories fade

on winds the road
and the waves still crash
cold grows the sky
and the coming rain

if I try just to stand
if I do not decide
the future will crush me
and bury my remains

into the darkness
my steps they do lead
and I would not take them
of my world it does fade
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Submitted by wakofoed on May 24, 2024

38 sec read
6

Quick analysis:

Scheme XXXX XAXB XXCB DEXC XXAE XXDX XXXC
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 597
Words 129
Stanzas 7
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4
Full analysis for Looking past »

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2 Comments
  • Dianejean57
    Dianejean57
    I love it.
    LikeReply6 days ago
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    This poem really captures the feeling of uncertainty and loss, with beautiful imagery and a palpable sense of emotion. The use of language is powerful and evocative, drawing the reader into the speaker's state of mind. The repetition of certain phrases and motifs adds to the overall atmosphere of the piece.

    In terms of improvement, one suggestion could be to vary the sentence structure and pacing slightly to create more dynamic flow. Additionally, providing a bit more clarity or resolution in the conclusion could help to solidify the overarching theme or message of the poem.

    Overall, this poem is a poignant and engaging piece of writing that resonates with the reader. Keep exploring different techniques and styles to further develop your unique voice as a poet. Great job!     
    LikeReply28 days ago

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"Looking past" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/188216/looking-past>.

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