PAIN THAT LEADS TO GRACE

It’s hard to get up and go right after surviving a havoc without shedding a tear or two.
I sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I were a different creation.
Would I feel pain the same?
Be grateful for all I have lost and gained?
What a strange thing it is to be human but at the same time a rare and precious gift of life in this form.

It’s funny how life can toy with your emotions,
Makes you feel big,
Makes you feel small.
Makes you happy,
Makes you sad.
Brings a smile on your face on the brightest days,
But deceives you of all the cries up ahead.

I have learnt, pain will forever be a part of my life.
So I learnt to acknowledge it.
We have been told to live in the present and enjoy the moment.
So when you are smiling, be genuine with yourself,
When you are crying, do it like there is no better day up ahead.
Hold no regret like I did.
Now I hold a heavy burden that weighs me down.
I am yet to console myself because every chance I get to weep, I let it go.

I lost the biggest part of my life and this left me feeling lost.
I lost sight of who I was and if I am being honest with myself, I forgot how to love, forgive, move on or live.
People come and go in my life but I guess I have a tendency of building walls around myself.
Why attach yourself when you know that someday they will disappear without even saying goodbye.

They are never coming back in this life, are they?
I depended so much on them.
They believed in me.
Were genuine to me.
They even gave up their life for me,
And I finally realise I am lost without you dad and I am so sorry I took you for granted.
You know I would give up anything to see you again.
I really don’t like sounding unrealistic but I miss you and I run away from it every day.
I feel like I didn’t love you enough and that I don’t miss you enough.
I don’t know if that is normal.

I never stopped needing you.
I am waiting for that day when love, peace and life will never be taken away from us.
I thank you that you left me in good hands because now I have a saviour in Christ.
Sometimes I wonder who would love someone like me as I am a stone cold heart.
I ask myself what people see in me.
I thank you all that saw the slightest good in me.

I am wounded and bleed from within.
But I will be okay.
Though the pain may breach beneath the surface,
These wounds will heal and these scars,
These scars I wouldn’t give up not even one of them for each mile stone led to this,
Weeping isn’t a symbol of weakness,
It is a symbol of strength.
It shows you acknowledge, accept and are grateful for the vulnerabilities that break you and make you human.
I take pride in my pain,
It made me the person I am today.