Dear me

Dear five year old me, life is like a rollercoaster. There are ups and downs that make you wanna get off. Butlike all scary rides there's height limits so right now enjoy the petting zoo and face paint, stay as small as you can. Continue to chase after your sibling whose games are too hard and rough for such a small child. Keep trying to make them laugh. Climb the trees and fall while running around. Hey five, it's ok you'll forget all of this anyways so be silly stupid.

Dear seven year old me, summer is too short to wonder why he no longer lives with us. It's not your place to wonder why we have to travel  so far just to spend two months in a different state. Just play and hold on to that child innocence that blocks out the darkness of his lies. Hey seven, ask him to do things together because later on you'll want you dad.
 
Dear nine year old me, you're very smart, trust me. You're just too far from the board. They only explained how to solve problems one way. Hey nine, I think you're on this rollercoaster, I'm sorry I can't help you…..

Dear 14 year old me, it's ok to say you don't feel safe. It's not your fault that he told you sweet lies of taking care of our family. It's ok to ask for help, she will help you. It's ok to say what happened even though it's happened to you sibling and she swears up and down that he sees us as daughters. Hey 14, be wary of boys, mens, girls, women there's more than one way to break a heart.

Dear 16 year old me, be careful even I still don't know who wears fake smiles or how to trust. And remember it's not your fault that you moved in with excitement of the greener grass and the idea that learning is fun. After three years of being left at home, it's ok to still be excited even though they're all 2 years younger and were three years behind. It's just like chasing your siblings….. Hey 16, its ok to be weird. We haven't talked to classmates since 6th grade. Take your time.

Dear 17 year old me, congrats on making it to highschool. I am sorry to tell you that we realized December 20 - 30 will alway be sad. The winter break is when we spend  24/7 in a house that is making judgment calls on our life over what we eat, how we sleep, what we wear, how we look, over the past you have no control over. It feels like ice cold water all around and no matter how much we try we will never get air. So deep breaths.there will be piercing pain all over. The 25th is the last time you'll get a present. The 27 will bring meromers when the smallest light went out….12/27, it's harder to sleep without the small weight and light tapping of her tail that would help ease us to our dreams. The 29 will always always remind us of being woken up at 2 am, a mid aged man running through the yelling she's gone only to be told  later it's because of you, with good grades and always doing as told. A good little doll. Hey 17 when did the mask get here?


Dear 20, how does it feel to graduate high school? This is where the roller coaster drops good luck. Take your time to figure out what you're gonna do with the rest of your life. I honestly thought our seat belt came off at 18….. Hey 20, your checks will hurt if you keep smiling like that.
Dear me ………………………………………………………..