Afterglow

It’s a love I’ll never know,
You never left footprints in the fresh fallen snow.
I write this now because it’s tough,
To see everyone with mom when life gets rough.

I always wonder how it would be,
But you were you and wanted to be free.
Battles make or break us that’s how we are defined,
I refuse to let myself decline.

Now I sit bitter because of it all,
Like so many birthdays you never called.
On to the part that makes me mad,
Those who shut out mom is just so sad.

I do my best to try and ignore,
But those Mother’s Day post always make me feel more.
Now I am an adult who should be strong,
But there are times in life you just need a mom.

Tossing and turning trying to sleep,
These wounds I hold are so deep.
All those times you were away,
Mental illness was at play.

Sadness sets in now that I see,
That is something that too is a part of me.
It’s been difficult, I try and conceal,
But it’s not easy to hide when it’s so real.

Looking back I should of done more,
But trying to be your mom as kid was a chore.
Occasionally, I stop and think,
How life would have been if you never had a drink.

Standing tall because of it all,
I refuse to let myself fall.
Like ice on a river after it melts,
All these years have gone by I’ve started to heal myself.

Once the time comes and the ice is thin,
The water carries the ice within.
It’s a love I’ll never know,
I will be your afterglow.