Destiny

Why does it hurt so bad, why do I feel so sad, why has life been so hard for me I hurt so bad it’s hard to breathe, asking God for some possible relief Can I just feel a little peace, take a minute and step out of me? Sometimes my heart can feel as though it's always broken. Feel I’m dreaming even when I've awoken So burdened that I begin to choke as my world fills up with smoke. This fire raging deep inside I’ve got these feelings I can no longer hide. I cry when I’m happy, cry when I’m sad, I cry when I’m angry, and it feels so bad. I no longer feel like me, but is this really my reality. Can I change the way I feel, the way I’ve been conditioned to think and react? Am I capable of healing or am I doomed to be stuck in my past, a never ending vortex of pain? I feel I’ve been buried for years, and I’m just starting to dig my way through to the surface. Memories hurt, but I know I have to face the pain to gain understanding. Which me will I be, each traumatic experience took a piece of me. Life experience gained through the pain of being misunderstood. Am I really that bad, or is it that I’m stuck looking for the good? The good in people who lie, cheat, steal and use me for a good heart. Making me feel that I’m in the wrong. It's my fault that they can’t seem to get right. That I’m wrong for being too tired to fight, for giving up on them. When is it my turn to feel affection, my turn to feel supported, my turn to feel loved. When does my hurt end, and when do I get to be the needy friend? Don't my feelings matter to anyone but me, or is that an impossibility. Am I wrong for wanting to step out of the shadows, allowing my true light to show? Can I be accepted as myself and not the cookie cutter person I pretend to be? How can a plant grow without some sunshine? How can you fix a broken mind? A broken soul, how do you learn to regrow the lost parts of you. I am not a gecko whose innermost parts can grow back, like their tail. Am as shallow as a stream, yet I have a spirit that can dive deep like a whale. Which to me is my reality. What is my destiny, what does life hold for me. Who am I meant to be.