The Rusty Dusty of Getting Old

It appears I have hair on vacation
Expanding the glare on my head,
And skin that requires exfoliation
With a side of lingering dread.

Why the need for fluffy hear holes
When listening requires no warming?
The hair that fled my head still cajoles
In my ears where it’s currently forming.

That time I tried to shave with a fork,
Or when I thought my cat was a tree -
Or when I tried to groom a bear with a spork -
How I wish I'd remembered to flee.

They told me with age comes a well-earned awe,
So why am I reaping these tingles
While being fed with a bib through a straw
And a scratchiest case of the shingles?

I’ve countless moles and warts to boast,
And scruffy bouts of affliction
With a latest hell of espresso and toast
As a carb and caffeine addiction.

The time I injected a coffee potion,
Shat hard as an enema fail
It seems I’d crapped myself quite a commotion,
When my latte decided to bail.

Damn it all straight to Connecticut,
But don’t deprive me of Jerry or Ben.
As long there’s Chunky Monkey etiquette
I’m happy to forget where I’ve been.

So, eat your tacos but bring your Rolaids,
And remember these words of wittiness,
That ice cream and cheese are a roll of the dice
And that lactose intolerance spells shittiness.

You see, dear friends, the truth is this,
And that the trip and fall I've succumbed to
Is nothing more than an old fart diss
From a feckless, meandering Magoo.
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Written on February 09, 2024

Submitted by Symmetry60 on February 09, 2024

1:27 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 1,416
Words 291
Stanzas 9
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Steven Dupere

With a book of poetry to boast, Waltz of Semantic Tongues, Steven has been challenging nervous canvases for more time than time can shake an eon at. This is a shard of that fallout. more…

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Discuss the poem The Rusty Dusty of Getting Old with the community...

  • npirandy
    As far as the skivvies go, I'm the picture of frugality.
    LikeReply 12 months ago
  • npirandy
    Well, it worked for me!
    LikeReply 12 months ago
  • npirandy
    Ha!!! Old age my ass! I probably have underwear older than you.
    LikeReply 12 months ago
    • Symmetry60
      Underwear older than 61? Those are some titanium-lined Fruit of the Looms, my friend.
      This poem an obvious fun entry for me just like the Political Bullshit poem I entered. I didn't expect to do much with either but thought it may give the folks a chuckle. 
      LikeReply2 months ago
  • susan.brumel
    Great one, Steven. Moving with a bunch of chuckles throughout.
    LikeReply 12 months ago
    • Symmetry60
      I hope I didn't sicken the stomach too much there, Sue. I thought it came out pretty hilarious if I do say so myself. Thank you for hitting the off switch on your gag reflex long enough to wade through my muck.  
      LikeReply2 months ago
    • susan.brumel
      It was a fun read… In fact, I read it several times…Sometimes a walk through the muck does a body good!
      LikeReply 12 months ago


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"The Rusty Dusty of Getting Old" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 May 2024. <>.

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