I did, I didnt.

The thought of being were I am vs were I would be
what a life to prove schizophrenia doesnt define me.
A living hell, nobody wants to admit or endure,
A diagnosis people will run from I am quite damn sure.

A purpose in life that was pushed far away each day.
A women's future yet so tainted with unforgiven delay,
A love of herself that grew broken, no longer strong.
A life that was torn apart, and done so wickedly wrong.

Throughout years, she bottled it and carried herself.
Destruction and deception, declined her mental health.
An earth angel, with already her plate so full,
She settled, but was thrown a different kind of life roll.

This girl that was once so strong and alive.
Became a mother of four, with the utmost drive
She did what what she could, no matter who seen,
But she never was good for the mother they deemed.

There has been so many mistakes, and bridges burned.
 In between the lines, she lied but she learned,
She tried to get everyone's attention, but failed.
She tried to explain, her answers so raw, and detailed.

Revolving doors, broken promises, and distance
She blamed herself, losing all forms of resistance.
She was left without anyone hearing her side,
The people that once loved her, shut her out and lied.

She was stubborn but always first to forgive.
She set boundaries and rerouted a new path to live.
She broke through the damage, with no-one in sight,
She prayed, this time for her kids to know her fight.

Some things she won't ever be able to explain,
How hard she fought, the battles she faced.
Its hard when your the real victim in the story,
But others are out there justifying their glory.

Jodi K Bisio