A life lost

All the juice has run out of this life

The fire went out

The meaning is gone and the purpose run dry

I see no reason to keep going

Other than perhaps to keep my family from suffering my loss

I want to leave this earth so badly

I can't find the will to do anything

Nothing is exciting or entertaining anymore

There is nothing I find pleasure in

For years, coffee was pleasure

Starbucks gave me a purpose

Now, it's gambling

But even that hurts, especially when I lose, which is often

If I left, would my family miss me? Would I miss them? Would my soul continue on? Would I be reborn? Would I find solace in the afterlife?

I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where to go. I can't find pleasure or purpose in anything anymore, other than to not die so my family wouldn't have to suffer. That's the only thing worth living for.

My friends have all abandoned me, or I've abandoned them.

God, if you're there, if you're real, tell me why I'm here. Because I don't really want to be around anymore. I just want to go home. I just want to crawl back into the womb of existence, like I was never born.