Do you love me at all?

you push me down and make me feel small,
you call me a pig and use all the insults,
you're a dirty pig not a girl you say,
but if I'm not happy its not okay.

i paste on a smile but it is hard to hold,
i hold back my tears since i have no one to hold,
around others you say "she's a pretty little girl",
but when we're all alone you want me to be hurled.

I know I'm not your favorite, i can tell,
but at least don't lie and tell me i smell,
You love my brothers, you barely shout at them at all
But you don't love me, "i make everything dull".

I can tell that you change when I'm not around,
Your smile disappears, you make it seem like someone just drowned,
I  try not to let my guard fall when you insult me every time,
but its hard, " I'll act okay in the meantime".

When I'm around you i cant cry,
but as soon as that door slams i cry like the world is gonna fall,
I say maybe she loves me but is making me tough,
But i know that's just a bluff.

I always thought mothers were the best,
Why mother just why,
don't you love me at all?