Descent

Hell, brimming with fire

Calls my name

I descend into misery

Do you see why I don't want to go there?

Why I would rather choose an end to my life which doesn't involve that fire?

I'm serious when I say I want to leave

The pain is endless, this hell refuses to cease

I thought being a spiritual man would mean all freedom, no fire

I was wrong

I've been so absolutely, terribly wrong

I thought I wanted anything to be like Christ, to understand God

I was wrong

I don't want this anymore

I'm such a tragically flawed failure

I can't believe I thought I wanted this

No one told me what trials were in front of me when I took up this cross

No one told me that the pain I read about was real

Things in my life are beyond real now

I am descending into this fiery pit, with the dogs gnashing their teeth

I won't be let go, I'll be dismantled, tortured

I should never have taken this path

I had no idea the misery which laid ahead of me

I would take it all back if I could, I would bargain with God if he would let me take all of this back

I'm so sorry

Please have mercy on my soul

I should never have done this

It was a massive mistake

I'm sorry, my dear parents, my father and mother, my Jesus, my good Lord in heaven, you were right and I was wrong

I would trade it all to have a normal life again