Alone in my head

I sit here with thoughts in my head,
I know I'm alive, but I'd rather be dead.
These thoughts may eat me alive, but I keep them bottled inside.
Afraid to let them out, there is nothing but doubt.
Trying to smile to hide the pain,
But what does that gain?
I just wish it would all go away.
What did I do to deserve this life?
There's a raging beast trying to break free,
I can't keep it chained to the tree.
So much anger and hurt inside,
It's definitely not a joyful ride.
But all this pain that I hold inside, is just aching to come alive
But here I am just trying to survive.
So here I am alone in my head, I just wish I'd fall over dead.