past is A map of Losses now

                                       I
Tuned vague my words' worth in memoriam
Of youth. Long-lived, brute secrets seasons posed;
Wild and bold, without reasons my men fold;
Then there I, asking for route of doubts' boat:
Waves hit, clock ticks; O mother mist, retort!

How come heart favor seeks for fragrance sweet,
Unknown when reach the eyes for dark retreat?
Such favor child learnt to fear, thou said once:  
‘Don’t feel’, but we’re born to touch, hurt and steal
O mother, feel! Thy love’s flied, scars on skies,
Thy mist traced in death butterflies; retreat
Owned darkness, bite thy thorns, thence touch mine, low,
Sail slow to the sewn secrets of sheer soul,
Sere sphere eyes own, ‘tis where heart solemn shown.
Stop. Say to me, ‘Unbarred I made thee, child!
Thou art sick, a cold worm destroyed thy bed,
Stole thy shade red. Weep not my poisoned rose,
Thy bearer bore the same brush of stroke tore.’
Sea trades light, seasons change, ‘Who can we love?’
Got borrowed my heart in the midst of waves.

How one sees with such flavours, others us feed
That make men be in cavity carved wood,
Speak but do webs of rules freedom allude?
My voice is tottering, too daring brave,
Beneath cold hold of sea burns without slaves.
Life, it takes, collects fates in where sand lays
Lays thousands of years where men ponder quest
'Tis where the senses are disdained, pride stained
Where my folk stay, in stillness our age fades.
“The greater good for greatest number” that
Holds and shapes me, me allowed not to be.
Thus I dream at nights dour, shout at star sho’er,
Those stars my companion of youth ideal,
At dim abode hope for white nights unreal;
A moment of sweet, given happiness
Search I, smile so shy,  yet know not such bliss.
Dust of past on my shoulders, a swift fame,
I’ll walk to water to let rest my name.

                    II
Once I hoped, dreamt of better venues for
A breath be fairer and life worths of more.
A delegate in fate's gate's front, fast cast
Were my foes' smoke; cruel, austere on rich ground
Where I laid barren, with all poverty;
My heart in hands, where I stood cowardly,
I would lead present, it would not lead me!
Would faster flee my name betwixt winds free,
Than in walls father's kingdom made me be.
I used to not know what it meant, to stand,
Now trembled all my feet, afraid to walk;
Fear was a thing that happened, feared to taught.
An army I gained, with the bravery,
(My cowardness is framed as forgery.)
For years I reigned, not keeping castle's keys,
Safe and secure we once were, till all fell
As if smile fraught with hoax unfolds unwell.
I fell and fell and fell, all my dreams wailed,
My heart, friends, to infinity thou sailed
Thus shall be my veins rain roads to the grief;
A collective den, memories to seal
What was now lost and what is stolen still.

Were I not as white, as soft as Lamb's breath
For whom Divine does swirl and manifest
A greater good for me, a greater jest
For play they're playing to my latest birth?
Were I not as amorous as Lamb's heart
Enchantes the Tyger, ends his fated fight?
Guess, I'd rebelled, my name's away from light
My roots, my gentle wings rules to truths flied
Marred was I by wrong-doings of past-self
Thenceforth deserted, lost soul turned I be
With my wings cut and my tongue-tied, how free!

Would trees not change nor found grief in my bed
When lived was life not in broads of black waves
Yet, rather doomed to dune of beach, obeys?
I regret, what I've done and said in haze,
In haste was spoken only phased dismay
And lost was grain as I forgot to gain
The profit of strength from age roses reign.
I regret, whom I've loved and how tears shed;
Years long, love spent; beyond the sea hope ends.

                   III

How then, if without red, resistant soul;
My body wanders the world on and on?
Next to dim sea, names I’d touched called unknown.
On horizon my weightless voice. Few clouds
Were counted by hands dreamt to reach the sky;
Raised them, but now there they are on the ground,
Ideas are buried, lay still with old friends.
‘Five…’ utterance slow; slow, we’d waved to life;
Past is a map of losses now, found ‘clouds…’
We’re counted by hands couldn’t keep us at bay,
I come here, now and then, to weep and pray.
What then, if without blue, resistant tears;
My face wouldn’t wander the graves, field by field?