My Fear

I’ve always felt like relationships are based on give and take

The more I give, the more, I love the better a friendship it will make

The service and care that I provide, will keep all that love tucked inside

The laughter and the jokes will keep me in your mind

Maybe a gift or two will stay you from leaving me behind

I’m the shoulder for your tears, the hugging arms for a sad day

I love these things I truly do, but it can’t keep my feats at bay

That maybe times I’ll laze about, and leave the house a sty

I’ll frown instead of crack a joke, and kiss your love goodbye

I’ll save the money, empty my cart, save the surprise for later

And you’ll just be adding  another line in the list of “why you hate her”

She didn’t wash dishes three times this week, and the bedroom “ugh” that’s four
She’s such a slob, I’m shocked disturbed, why are we friends anymore

She bared her soul, there’s to much gray, she’s a mark against my name

Of all the things she’s said and done I can never look at her the same

So maybe one day I take too much and you’ll just have had it with me

I look at myself and see the devil, is this what everyone else can see?

Can everyone see my blackened heart, and the shriveled soul inside?

Can’t everyone see the hateful thoughts and actions I once thought I could hide?

Do I poison those around me, catching them in my cloying embrace

Just so I can finally look at someone face to face?

For I fear that when someone gazes into my eyes they’ll see a dreadful sight

A person who’s fallen too far into darkness to ever find the light

There are my fears, my shame my horror
And it’s a multitude to sort

I’ll cut the drama, it’s long and fraught, I’ll try to keep it short

Do I take more then I give, that’s the question in my mind

And if I truly study it will I like the answer I find?