Nightmares

The more the days and nights go on the more it feels like my nightmares become reality, the more
nightmares of you leaving, the more they leave me grieving.

The nightmares make me feel like I’m drowning, drowning in my own fears, fears so deep not even my own self can hear, these nightmares know my deepest fears bc it’s me, myself that creates them while I’m asleep.

What I wonder when I awake is why my mind lets these merge to cut me so deep, these cuts aren’t just a scratch or a scrape they leave permanent scars, scars so deep I start to self hate.

These lead me to self hate because when awake I have to look at you and tell you I’m okay, when day by day I’m dying feeling my heart crying.

When I wake up in the mornings, and you ask me what’s wrong and with my voice shaking nearly crying almost every time, I say a “bad dream”, you ask me what happened I explain and I see your face start to sadden, you tell me “ ur dreams are making my heart hurt because there is nothing you can do to help”, I’m starting to self hate because my own self is creating these dreams, and hurting you.

I know they’re not reality, but they affect me so much, when they affect me for longer than several minutes, that’s when I know they’ve become too much, you start to get irritated they cause me to move slow, god only if you knew how big of the blow.

I start to feel embarrassed for letting the nightmares affect me so much, but it’s not my fault… I care for you so much.

I’m sorry for you to have to hear these dreams, but I’m more sorry to myself because, it’s my heart that bleeds.