Since I came back to you

since I came back to you
I haven’t held back my tears
I’ve been crying
I cry with joy
when I have the chance to drink some coffee
in the cafe where I was on February 23
when I meet my loved ones
and those who survived
I look at them in amazement
listen to them
they have stories to tell
about those who perished
about shelling and projectiles
I cry in pain
when I enter our empty homes
to collect what’s needed
the bookshelf from my grandma’s apartment with those books of mine my son’s toys from our home
silence and emptiness press on you with tears
pull yourself together
I tell myself
take the documents
the Winchester and glasses
my grandma told me
she had wrapped up the porcelain and ceramic angels securely and stored them in the cupboard
dad
do you care about those angels any more
gran I’m leaving
lock the door gran
you are far away now
well at least
you are alive
my dear Kha
they say you’ve become as solid as concrete
you’ve toughened up
while helping as much as you could
wounded like a scratched shield
and now Naukova Street cafes
are filled to the brim
thank you for standing firm
despite all the pain
you’re still standing
thank you