Move

I don't want to get up
Don't want to get dressed
Don't want do anything
Don't even want to rest

I don't want to eat
My appetite is gone
I don't crave the strength it takes
For me to carry on

I just want my absence
To give me some relief
To not feel for a moment
The depths of this sick grief

The medication is working
I feel calm and not my fear
When my thoughts are thinking
It's MY voice that I hear

My brain, it is on fire
It burns just like a flame
The fire, it is roaring
And it cannot be tamed

My hands, they are shaking
There's work needs to be done
But the tips of my poor fingers
I cannot feel one

I let my grief take me
To a place I cannot go
When my meds ARE working
And serotonin flows

It met up with my fears
And came up with a plan
To cut me off from love
Take it out of my hands

I did not see it coming
I didn't even fight
I let the darkness take me
I thought it had the right

Lies were built on fear
All rational thought was gone
My head, it just kept spinning
With the wrong that I had done

I didn't mean to do it
I was stricken with regret
I wanted so much to fix it
Please forgive and please forget

I know I am not perfect
I know that I'm not right
I promise I will take the steps
To get through this dark night

I want to hit the rewind
Go back and start again
But brittle trust was broken
And now, I'm just a "friend"

You said you were romantic
"Hopeless" in your own words
You dubbed yourself a Prince of charm
Your insistence undeterred

I said you were a falsehood
No man can be that great
You assured me you would prove yourself
And stand behind your fate

I gave my guarded heart to you
You presented yourself well
But then you changed so suddenly
Became an empty shell

Everything was ritual
So set in your routine
You focused on your daily tasks
Like keeping your house clean

You stopped calling me beautiful
Excitement was all gone
But I still kept on loving you
And wanted to go on

I gave you grace in your darkness
You told me not to fear
You knew something wasn't right with you
But you'd always be here

And now the tables turned on me
It's I who has no light
And in my moments of despair
You cast me out of sight

I wronged you, I admit it
I let my demons take control
But I shut them up and shut them out
I'll pay this heavy toll

Forgiveness is all I ask
Give grace and empathy
You aren't perfect nor am I
Don't think so poor of me

I can't remove my demons
They're part of who I am
I'm challenged by their presence
I fight them when I can

We all have hidden battles
We all are called to fight
When darkness is consuming us
We chance to find the light

I will get through my darkness
I'll find my light real soon
I'll prepare for my next battle
But first, I need to move