Cracks

The crack on the door tells me what's coming.
Fear shrouds me, keeping me
Stuck to the spot.
The barrage keeps coming
I shrink further and further into myself.
I am quivering-
Waiting on it all to stop.
Hoping soon I will be alone and
The only sound will be my tears.
Tears of someone who fears she can never live up to
His expectations.

Fear follows me
I try not to walk on the cracks of the path
Keeping my mind off the cracks inside me.
Friendships are fractured-
Were they real anyway?
Isolation burns inside of me.
I am not worthy of love, of that I am sure,
Too long I have felt the bullets from others
Too afraid to let go and let people in
What if? What if? What if?
Isolation is safer and I'm better off alone.

There are no cracks on the walls
There is no way out.
I'm trapped in my mind and in my own home.
Nothing is clear.
The ground is eggshells- I'm careful
They can't all be avoided.
My mind is screaming- it wants to break free
I can't find the key,
I'm trapped
Behind the barriers I've built
Around myself.

Cracks appear on my skin
Turmoil and pain are too much to bare
I cannot take anymore
I need it to show
Physical pain is easier to bare
It doesn't take long for shame to appear
And I begin to believe all the horror again:
I am selfish, unworthy and shouldn't be here
There are cracks everywhere
Let some have light
If they do not, I fear they'll never repair.