longing for pain

I’m stuck on some type of mud
When you want to wake up from a nap
Where your dreams are getting scary
And your thirst is getting heavy
But your eyes shut because sleeping feels better than reality

I’m stuck on some type of blanket
When you need to get out of it cuz you’ll know you won’t get anything done
But oh, it feels so nice

Why do I feel like I’m stuck
He gives me everything
I remember wishing this a year ago
Crying looking up to the sky

And here we are
And I don’t know where I went wrong
Did I pray for the wrong thing
Am I a student being taught

Why am I longing for pain I once felt
That loneliness that pushed me to want to feel well
Why am I longing for the tears I cried every single night
That woke up dry and feeling like everything some day is going to be alright

He sleeps in my bed
Quiet and with arms waiting for me to lay
But I cant
I have to do
I have to do
I have to keep on doing
Doing what is good for me
I have to do what works best for me
I have to clean my room
I have to write that essay
I have to make some friends
I have to go out and feel the world

But the world hurts sometimes
So I’ll just get in bed
Curled up in those arms that love me so well.

-Michelle