Let it hit me

This time when the pain comes I'm going to let it hit me. I won't fight when it collides it can break everything within me.
 
I will fight a silent War raging in myself, and I'll allow a shattering as long as my decisions are upheld.
  
I don't think you'll understand the pain that I'll go through, my fingers ripped across the concrete trying to find my way to you.
 
I want to speak to you more than I want to breathe, to tell you I forgive you and that you don't have to leave.
 
If I could just tell you I didn't mean it, all those things I said. I was not that angry and let you make me once again forget.  

But nothing changes if nothing changes that is what you said and now those words Forever on repeat are stuck inside my head.  

This time when the pain comes I'm going to let it hit me. Let It wash over all I am and burn everything within me.