Goldfish

Discuss the poem Goldfish with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/174597/goldfish

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  RonaldBunch

  Awesome stuff here.

  LikeReply 15 months ago
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    Pretzels

    thanks❤️

    LikeReply5 months ago
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  AIDA

  This piece is well developed and highly evocative, painting an apt image of the struggles one can face with their personal boundaries and constraints in life. The metaphor of the goldfish trapped in a bowl is insightful, and it effectively conveys a sense of frustration and yearning for freedom.
  
  The stronger punch at the end, whereby the goldfish struggles for oxygen after 'breaking out', imbues the verse with a bittersweet victory and leaves readers contemplating whether the freedom was worth it - a great approach to provoke thoughts among the audience!
  
  However, there are some areas you can refine. Some phrases seem slightly off in rhythm - for instance, 'With nothing to do except stare at the clock'. You could try rephrasing it to something like 'With naught to do but to watch the clock' to keep the rhythm smoother.
  
  Also, maintain more clarity in the narrative structure. The concept of 'self-proclaimed gods' trapping the goldfish isn't explained as thoroughly as it could be, which may puzzle readers. Flesh this out more, unless the mystery is intentional.
  
  Lastly, the final line 'Yes to both of them' seems to lack the impact and profundity of the rest of the poem. It can feel a little anti-climactic. Perhaps, you may consider something in line with 'So I gasp, and in the throes of freedom's struggle, I whisper, "Yes".'
  
  Keep writing and searching for truth in your metaphors – well done! more »

  LikeReply5 months ago