Successfully Depressed

What a sad beginning.
With a determination to reach,
A much more saddened end.

'You must be mentioning,
The high cost it takes...
To pay and stay fictioned.'

How did you know.
To narrow my thoughts,
Down to strike a bullseye?
With one guess you struck bingo.

'These days I'm swimming in debts.
And if that's not sad enough,
I allowed to let myself...
To refuse the presence of truth,
For fiction to live it and delude my life.
Done not to realize,
A working myself stressed out...
And nearly close to death.
Somehow this would keep me away,
From experiencing a deep depression.'

Well...
You certainly look the part.
Let me say this.
From my speculating point of view.

'LOL.
And...
Articulately spoken.
Go ahead.
I'm listening.'

Stress to live is a serious misunderstanding.
Many believe a being stressed repeatedly,
Welcomes their acceptance and approval.
From complaining whiners around them.
You know...
Like a common sharing of doubt.
Low expectations.
And even lower self esteem.

'I found that to discover myself.
When I admitted to someone,
I had no complaints.
With a doing to live as happy as possible.
Then I did the most stupid thing.
I took their advice and went to a therapist.'

You did what?
Say that again.

'I took their advice and went to a therapist.
Who attempted to convince me,
The way I felt about myself...
Was not mentally healthy.
Abnormal in today's society.'

Huh?
That's crazy.

'Tell me about it.
I began to feel guilty.
I began to feel as if,
A martyr preparing myself...
To abandon my joy and happiness.
As a sacrifice.
And punishment myself with the feeling,
Of guilt I borrowed off the streets.'

Guilty?
This sounds like something,
You must have read from Shakespeare.

'Please.
Let me finish.
Yes.
I was made to believe the truth I lived,
Was a deluded mythical fantasy.
One that would lead me,
To the brink of self inflicted woe and sorrow.
Done to make up a reality not real at all.
And...
I was in denial about not needing to be,
Medicated to bring stability to my mind.'

NO!

'YES!'

NO?

'Then...
I got up to go.
And this 'therapist' said to me,
Stay feeling safe and happy.
As long as that is possible.
I turned and looked at the smirk.
Twisting his evil lips together.
And right then I knew...
My sanity was being tested.'

So what did you do?
This 'scenerio' you describe is intriguing.
You street people,
Should put your experiences on a stage.

'Well...
Before I was going to walk past you,
Pretending to be out of my mind.
Babbling to myself.
Like those over there,
Obviously doped up and medicated.
I was going to go home and change clothes.
But...
You were saying as I walked up to you,
Something very interesting
About sad beginnings.
And even sadder ends.
That caught my attention.
Quicker than the smell,
Of oven baked maple bacon.
I knew...
I knew you were talking about me.
Being fictioned out of my mind.
With a passing of judgement upon me too.
As if,
I was taking...
An elevator down to the basement,
To pick through the latest garbage.
Sounding like that therapist.
With college degrees on the wall.
Certifying to validate a knowing of it all.'

Uh...
Gee.
I don't know what to say.
For someone who chooses,
To beg for change.
You have remarkable insight.
I don't know what else to say.

'Good.
I do.
Come on.
Let's chat over a cup of coffee.
I'll pay.
Oh...
Thank you for sitting through,
My...uh...'

Performance?

'LOL...
Well,
It's like this.
If I'm going to put myself into a position,
To talk about what people could do.
Or should do to improve themselves.
With a changing of their moods.
And attitudes towards each.
First I will get down to level.
Hear their concerns,
From their point of view.
Before I assume what they've gone through.
Or pass judgement.
To know not a thing about the people,
From a distance to have others believe...
My comments come my own experiences.
You know...
Experiences I avoid or have not had myself?'

Okay. Okay.
Like I said.
Nothing else I have to say.

'And like I said to you,
I do.
Oh...
I'm wearing this panhandler outfit,
As my costume.
You know...
Attempting to fit in with the crowd!?
Learning more than I think I do,
Is my mission.
Sometimes I feel it's more an obligation.
A duty without using pointless scutiny.
Come on.
Let's have that cup of coffee.'

You're a student of Shakespeare or Poe.
Aren't you?

'LOL.
I enjoy your sense of humor.
You have this comedic,
Unassuming innocence about reality.
On one hand,
You are really funny.
But on the other,
Your approach is sad.
No.
Me?
I'm a student of truth and the life I live.
Free from deluding myself.
Come on,
Let's have that coffee.
Then I gotta go home.
To take a much needed bath!'