Detachment

Detachment
Arrives so slowly season's cool,
when leaves on trees drop down.
Dull reds and yellows soon appear
to decorate the ground.
A reverie does autumn bring
when you are eighty-one.
So many seasons changes past
with thoughts once gone, now come.
But sad detachment still so stings,
long left without a friend.
Why love was stolen long ago,
a loss that never ends?
But yet I once was happy,
sang, joked, and laughed with glee.
What happened to that twenty-one
when once he was so free.
My first school ones I picture now,
and high school chums I chose.
The college men whom I liked much,
to these I drew so close.
The final school with careful friends,
my wife and children then.
But still detachment follows me
and never, never ends.
To live, but live without true love,
to laugh but feel alone;
emptiness swallows me,
no one to call my own.
Regret and shame abounds,
each day they must appear;
and in my dreams I'm always lost
and filled so full of fear.
I strive to be released,
but chains still hold me fast.
No matter how I struggle so
no change occurs at last.
This is my cross to bear,
my life-long unhealed wound;
the thorn that pricks my side
which will not leave me soon.
What benefits such pain can bring,
what positives confer?
All things together work for good,
of this I'm more than sure.