Dear mom

Dear mom,

I know you love me
but those precious feelings of love are lost in a sea

A sea full of light and darkness
those eyes that show me the hardness
followed with words that carry so much sharpness

your words bleed ‘till deep into my skin
the tears of pain rolling down my chin
my love for you feeling like a sin
and the pain of never knowing if we’ll ever win

win this fight of silent hate
our words carrying so much weight
it secretly makes me feel so afraid
can I please just know the end date?

the end date to my depression
and your verbal aggression

because I’m really trying to fill the hole
repairing the broken pieces in my soul
but it’s out of my control

I truly want to let you back in
but just thinking about it makes my head spin
it makes me anxious thinking of removing the safety pin

I want to be in your arms so badly
but I know I can’t, sadly

because my heart has been too bruised
my trust too many times misused
and my soul painfully abused

But I have hope we’ll find each other back
our love finding its way through the wrack
eventually overcoming the attack

and I believe we’ll walk on the same path again once we’re both healed
once we can both leave the battlefield

until then I’ll love you unconditionally from the dark
even tho my heart screams for you through that same sea mark