Light shines on

Maybe we had a past life or heavenly conversation together once.
Now the past seems to blend into the present in some prose or poetry, even in my or others deepest emotions.
Now they call it a kind of 'now time' on the spirit boxes as history is happening all at once.
I must admit I'm a little confused as to which watch I'm following or why I understand the same ways I used to but got a lot smarter in the process.
And yet I get up and dress everyday or decide what not to bother with, and sometimes shout like a monster to get my life in order in the middle of a supermarket, only for people to understand exactly why I did it.
I know God's light and love is motivating me a great deal most of the time but sometimes I gotta know things that perhaps I shouldn't even be asking or don't even really want to know, like some people may do at times, like what if I forced myself to steal just to see if God was allowed to forgive me on the other side for trying something new and being brave like an urban hunter, not to glamorise the dark side of thought or anything like that that it probably does, but isn't it fun to play 'the great forgiver'.
I respect myself enough to be polite and patient when the flows of evil pass on through and I can then take a deep breath and prepare something good in between the next unidentifiable wave. But see, the more negativity you focus on the higher that wave can get, sometimes so high though that you just end up surfing without even a bord.
I like to be able to expect things to go well for others without me though because I know sometimes I'm crutial at moving that wave past, into the past, maybe even into total oblivion even when it's so obvious I'm trying to just breath.
I don't look for glory just it catches my attention so I ask permission to see in a little dream, whisper or conversation that never really ends, just gets more and more beautiful and open like the gates of heaven allowed an angel to borrow my eyes and hand for a moment just to stop yours if you needed a little help.
Life's not a box of chocolates, you just let the monster be the monster, you be you, and surround yourself with vegan chocolates that are a little less high in sugar and excited energy, maybe even with a little less skin burning spice.