Memoirs of a mental breakdown

I thought--no, I didn't think.

Do I ever?

"Quoth the Raven--Nevermore,"
and yet

words are curious
there are so many

I never thought I could breathe
if nothing happened, nothing would happen

if I breathed, everything would change

I dislike change

I prefer solid things
things with substance

the same books, over and over
the same movies, over and over
the same rules, over and over

these made sense

and yet

they didn't
they disappeared underneath my fingertips and flew

I tried to catch them but I breathed too deep and they were gone

do they live in my lungs?
are they in my blood?
I might like that

it wouldn't be too bad to breathe
and inhale words with every breath and thoughts
bouncing around in my flesh

I think--I would like to scream
to yell out all the words in my body
to spread them out, out, out.

but i don't
WHY
i can't
WHY
stop it hurts to think
NO

i need to breathe but if i do i will release
all of the words that are trapped inside of me
and they will be free
and i will be alone