I Remember

I remember

my short, blonde curls

bouncing while I ran

I remember

the feeling of talking

way too fast for any man

"Slow down," they said


 
I remember

the feeling

crushing me down

As a young child

I can see in my mind

The light behind my eyes

slowly leaving
 


I remember 

So many people

telling me 
"You need to calm down"

When all I wanted

was to run
 
 

I remember

the feeling
 weighing on my heart

When I should

Have been weightless

Crying, screaming

because no one 
could possibly understand

 

I remember

every 3 months

seeing the doctor

I thought it was normal

It was only when 
I started getting looks

when I told people

Where I always was

"That must be hard"


 
I remember

the feeling

that I am not the norm

and I remember

when I realized

not every kid had to

walk to the school office

to take a pill every day


 
I remember

growing up

I was a spaz

a weirdo

a loser

I remember the cruelty

of those around me
who could not possibly understand
 


I REMEMBER

the feeling

but I don't remember much
 


I REMEMBER

so many tears

wondering why

I wasn't enough

 
I remember
the medication

I remember

sobbing


I remember

SCREAMING



I remember



YELLING


I remember


HURTING MY LUNGS


to get someone


ANYONE



to listen



This wasn't me


The medication wasn't me


IT ISN'T ME
 
 
 




I REMEMBER


I remember

growing up


I remember

Making a choice
 
 

I remember

 the days

coming off of my meds


I remember failing my class

 
I remember

failing that

was failing myself


 
I remember 

that all I proved

was that I 
could not be 
good
without it
 




 
 
I remember

My short, blonde curls

bouncing as I ran

I remember being innocent

before the end