I hate you, I mean me

I love you everyday and I hate you night. No I hate myself every night and everytime I think of you, cause I know I'm not perfect for you yet. You deserve someone handsome someone you cant be ashamed to be with on the public 5 star hotel. I hate you I mean me because I know exactly you want and deserve some one whos more charming but I keep hoping we'll both one day fall asleep in the same bed knowing I'm nothing like the guy you love so much. I love you I mean me because I try so hard to be the best but everytime I look in the mirror I see the old phenotype, I want to change it but keep the old inner side where I didn't fake the smile where I wouldn't pray for some internal healing. We do have so much in common but that makes us only friends and that hurt the most when I see that you can end up with some gud who's not me it scares me when I realise that you can replace me it hurts the most when I realise the I give more love but doesn't get it back it hurts the most when I realise that I need to live to make you And Mama have to be nca but I cannot fulfil that if I don't have my heart, It hurt the most when I realise its the one that makes me want to shut it off but I need to make you smile the way you smiling on this picture of you I'm looking while I'm writing this letter. Sometimes I don't want to wake up because faking the smile through the day hurts and that makes me hate you I mean hate me but I wake up because I know you need someone who loves you unconditionally, someone you see as just a friend, someone who can do everything for you because you're his source of happiness through daylight. You know you deserve someone better than me and I'll like you to have them, it hurts but don't worry about me I'll be fine I know how to look happy. I really hate to love you because honestly my love for you is huge and unconditional but it hurt, what kind of love is that? Oh I know, it my love for you. You should also know that To my friends I look dumb, to my under-bed monsters Im sad boy, to God I'm his child with heart that's numb and to me Im just someone who used to be happy and to future it's just me again and yes I'm still sad even tonight but to every shooting star I wish at some point in future you'll be glad to call me your boyfriend most hopefully your husband who used to be your friend and we tell our kids that we.... I'm sorry my brother's phone was ringing, thanks to it my sadness eased. just know I love you and a lot I wish one every shooting star, every birthday candle that one day we'll live happy as married couple. Take care of yourself, I love you. Actually I kinda have question, how do you mean "I love you" text you send me? Actually mize