Crossroads of Conscience

It is a double-sided mirror;
I can see inside them,
Their hearts as cold as stones
Frozen solid with deep-seated hatred.

But can they see inside me?
As they pressure me,
Pounding upon my soul with their menacing words,
My temper flares, red-hot anger streaking through my veins.

I cannot imagine posting something so vile and pernicious;
Suddenly, an image of their target as the quintessential nerd
Holding up his awards in front of endless stacks of trophies
Looms over my diminutive self.

His sinister smirk strikes me;
Gleaming pearly white teeth flashing
In the glare of the overhead lights,
Bathing him in eerie silver-hued tones
As if he belonged on Olympus,
One of the mighty Greek gods.

That’s it;
How I long to erase his cheeky smirk
By pressing the “post” button
To bring this arrogant nerd to his bitter end;
He has eclipsed me in my own spotlight,
Dulling my chance for fame over the last few years.

My “friends’” eyes are boring into my skin,
Their fierce words fuel my jealousy
As my itchy finger draws near the red button.
My heartbeat resounds like a drum in my ears;
With each accelerating beat, my magnets for fingers
Pulse towards this diabolical button.

My fingers quiver like the flickering flame of a burning candle.
But can they see inside me?! No, I think not
As the tempest rages within, both the angel and the devil,
Warring in my heart.

A heart that so vividly recalls the nerd’s eloquence
Which led me to push the boundaries of knowledge,
And the words that guided me out of ignorance and darkness
Into the light.

Even through the swirling fog of his annoyance,
His random, reassuring pat on my back brings me comfort
Even in my dreams.
It’s an even mix, what he’s taken from and handed to me.
But no, even in a mix, there is always a final color;
Blending black with white still results in black,
Is this the true hint of his self buried deep within his heart?

If I, like the gallant Gawain, do not strike the first blow,
What harm will befall me?
For heaven is not blind, its peeking eye open;
The dreaded deed will be done,
And I forever will be banished from its celestial realm,
Whereas the infernal darkness of hell will rise and envelop us both.

But wait, I stay my hand as my conflicted heart beats even faster,
Realization dawns upon me that I must make soon a decision.
Standing as I am at the crossroads between heaven and hell,
Between sin and salvation;
My peers’ cajoling faces push me on, yet I know that once done,
I’ll be on the path to perdition, this one misdemeanor leading to greater crimes in the future.

Once lost, the human soul struggles to climb the slippery walls of the well.
If I should press that button, who would be the real villain?
The nerd who does nothing but boast of all that he achieves,
Or me, brimming with jealousy and disdain for one so vain?

Am I to commit such a crime, to cast down one who deserves better,
Or am I to elevate him?
In the blink of an eye, the babbling voices dissolve into the clear pool that is now my mind.

Now I know the path that I must tread,
The one that is paved with kindness and doing what is right.
I don’t even give them the time of day, refusing them the dignity of a response
As I stride firmly through the bathroom door, their whining voices fading into oblivion behind me.

I emerge into the noisy hallway, away from the fools who were once friends’,
Not surrendering to their conceit and lies but given a reprieve to one who does more good than harm.
Taken the path of greater resistance for one but my conscience and my heart are bright and clear.
Aiding one who can take me further into the light, walking the good path alongside me, ridding my fear.